Helstra have to be kidding me… Are they really as stupid as they make out? In fact, how can anyone BE that stupid?

Ok, Many years ago, when Telstra first started their online services I was encouraged to register. I did so, and immediately found I couldn’t log in. And since it was so long ago, I can’t remember what the problem was. Anyway, I let it go, thinking, it’s not worth the hassle. A few months later I received an email “Since you have been registered for online services/billing for more than (I think it was) 3 months, you will no longer receive a paper bill. Please log into your account to change this setting.”

I once again tried logging into the account and it still didn’t work. I rang Telstra and they fixed it over the phone (the paper billing that is, they couldn’t fix the web site problem)…

Enter 2005-2006:

I was “re-encouraged” to try and use the online billing again. I raised my concerns and they told me they had fixed a lot of the problems. So I agreed and gave it a go. I remember in the setup process there was a secret Q/A and I do recall making it something so cryptic, that noone would ever get it (NEVER did I think that I wouldn’t get it!).

Anyway, stopped using it, didn’t really see the point/value…

I thought today that i would give it another go. I tried to login, and low and behold I forgot my password (Yes, I KNOW I should use a password manager, but that seems to defeat the whole idea of a password in the first place – and my other problem is, I don’t trust two sites with the same password – I don’t know how they are stored in there database, they won’t let me have a look? LOL)…

I had to enter my username… That appeared to work as I managed to progress to the next screen

I had to enter my postcode… I got that right because again, I progressed.

I get prompted for a secret question… I looked at is and straight away laughed. I recognised the question, but have NFI what the answer to it was.

I look around for the “just email it to my trusted email account” link, but that is not an option.

I gave it a few goes and sure enough, I get locked out of the account and advised that if I can’t remember the password, I will have to create a new account…

A NEW ACCOUNT????

Are they kidding? What about giving me someone to call??? What about sending me an email saying someone is trying to find my password? What about calling me? Why don’t they ask for my “registered” secret password? (You know, the password you use when you speak with your carriers? OLkay, security risk – maybe – but it is HTTPS).

I get stroppy and send a nasty email (I know, I know, I know… but I couldn’t help it)

But I wanted to log in NOW and change the email address of where the emails get sent (I am closing the old email off).

So I give it another go (in a different browser) and it let’s me try again. Eventually I arrive at the secret question, gave it a few more attempts and WHAMOO! “… create a new account”

Bugger this… I GIVE UP!!!!

Let’s just create a new account.

So I went to do that. Enter my account number, some other personal information…

“This account is already registered for Telstra online services. You can use your existing username and password, or digital certificate to log in.”

ARRRGH – ‘ark ’em! I’m outta here

rm -rf telstra

( and on a side-note: rm -rf bigpond )

edit: Unfortunately I was still with Helstra for a while to come yet, but when I got my own place in December 2008 I opted for a naked DSL connection and kissed Telstra goodbye… and good riddance!