I moved toward the light without any fear of what was behind it
I had a feeling everything would be alright now
As I stepped inside, a warmth engulfed me.
It was a sense of well being and
youthful exuberence that I hadn’t felt in 50 years
I was no longer the old man that cried
when he saw his reflection in the mirror that morning
I’d somehow recaptured the best year of my life
when I was 32
My power was at it’s greatest that year
I was becoming a man that I felt proud of being
I wished then that I could always be 32
Now the light began to thin
as I grew nearer to the voices of my life
I could hear my grandmother
she was my best friend until I was 12
She would tell me about my father
and what a wonderful man he was
I believed her,
because I knew she wanted me too
Once after I swore a life-long oath of secrecy
she told me of her love of all loves,
Her only real true love
a soul mate she lost in her youth
Today I could see a youthful version of a smile
that always greeted me with open arms
Her best year was much younger than mine, and so was his
Then there was fox, and Dingus and My Cofine,
barely 11, but already dressed up in olive drab and old helmet liners
running down by the creek with our BB guns
preparing for a war that would someday take something from all of them
I could hear the voice of my first love
my heart raced again for a moment
it reminded me of the way that she looked on that crisp sunny April day when we kissed for the first time
we were 15
she would be the one to teach my heart what to look for when I was 32
The light was fully behind me now,
but there was still one more voice I wanted to hear
Then, it softly touched my ears like warm hands,
It was her voice, the one that had comforted me for all those years
the voice that could rebuild a broken ego with gentle praise
yet one with strength enough to keep me humble when I became too full of myself
it was the voice I had missed so much
the wonderful wonderful voice
I first heard, when I was 32
—-
I think I’ve made more wrong decisions in my life than right ones
I’ve been very selfish, and I’ve hurt a lot of really nice people because of it
Sometimes I wish I could go back and change a few things
But sadly, if anyone could actually grant me a wish
I’d probably ask for money