Things you probably shouldn’t say to your kids

duck on grass

image

We were walking to the shops today.
Jason. Look dad, a chicken
Dad. no mate, that’s a duck
J. A duck?
D. Well,  it looks like a duck
J. Look like a duck?
D. It sounds like a duck
J. Sounds like a duck
D. Tastes a little bit like chicken
J. Taste like chicken?
D. A little bit. But it’s a duck
J. Duck

A little bit later a dog barked.

J. What’s that dad?
D. What do you think it is?
J. It’s a dog.
D. Yep that’s right, it’s a dog. Well, it sounds like a dog (we couldn’t see it)
J. Sounds like a dog
D. So it’s probably a dog
J. Taste like dog?
D. Taste like chicken actually (I don’t know why I said that)
J. Mmmm dog, taste like chicken

A little later, we’re at the shopping center, a guy walks past with his dog. Jason says to mum, “look mum, dog”
Mum. Yes, dog
J. Tastes like chicken!
M: what?
D. Errr…

Finish what you start

I just got this in an email…

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives. Some doctor on tv this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

I looked around my house to see things I’d started and hadn’t finished.

So I have managed to finish off a bottle of Merlot…
a bottle of Chardonnay…
a bodle of Baileys… a butle of wum………..
a pockage of Prungles.. tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valiuminun scriptins…
the res of the chesescke an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how bludy fablus I feel rite now. Plaese sned dhis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov iennr pisss. An telum,u blody luvum.!! Xxx

Left and Right brain conflict

right and left brain conflict, colour test
right and left brain conflict, color test

I have loved this test ever since I first saw it, and I’m not even sure when that was.

Why is it so hard?

Well, apparently the right half of your brain is trying to say the colour, while the left side of your brain is trying to say the word.

Have someone read this to you, first have them read the words (that’s not too hard), but then have them look at the words again, and not say the word, but say the colour of the word.

The words are:

Yellow, Blue, Orange, Black, Red, Green, Purple, Yellow, Red, Orange, Green, Black, Blue, Red, Purple, Green, Blue and Orange.

The colours are:

Green, Red, Blue, Yellow, Blue, Black, Red, Blue, Green, Black, Red, Yellow, Green, Blue, Black, Blue, Red, and Green

Did I make any mistakes?

iPhoto and face detection

[singlepic id=79 w=500 h= mode=watermark float=center]

I have to admit, this is a feature I like about iPhoto – well, it comes under the category of like and hate…

But sometimes, it just get’s it wrong!

My First Born

“I’m going to take a picture of my firstborn and use age progression software to figure out what he’ll look like when he’s 16. Then I’m going to frame the picture and keep it as a centrepiece in our house, something he’ll grow up looking at. Then when the appropriate time comes, and he realises that the picture is of him, I’m going to try and convince him that he is a time traveller.”

Not mine, but I like it

update: this was first posted back in 2010. Years later (2014) I came back across it and found that such software is in development
2014-04-09 Washington.edu/news/… age-progression-software

example of age progression software
A single photo of a child (far left) is age progressed (left in each pair) and compared to actual photos of the same person at the corresponding age (right in each pair).

If programming languages were religions

C would be Judaism – it’s old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can’t convert into it – you’re either into it from the start, or you will think that it’s insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity – it’s theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn’t feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it’s the best language in the world, but they’re willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity – Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it’s not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of “goto hell” was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam – It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It’s so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you’ll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism – At first glance, it’s the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it’s controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it’d probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn’t discriminate so much against you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism – There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach – if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it’s not a language at all; others say that it’s the only language that makes sense.

Haskell would be Taoism – It is so different from other languages that many people don’t understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it’s the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

Erlang would be Hinduism – It’s another strange language that doesn’t look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it’s built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

Perl would be Voodoo – An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

Lua would be Wicca – A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism – A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism – It’s simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism – There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it’s almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

APL would be Scientology – There are many people who claim to follow it, but you’ve always suspected that it’s a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism – An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

Visual Basic would be Satanism – Except that you don’t REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist…

Athism isn’t a religion, so the closest analogy is Assembler. It offers no quick or easy answers, but if you are prepared to think it through you can accomplish anything.

Located on:
http://greensboring.com/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=9619

Original source:
http://www.aegisub.net/2008/12/if-programming-languages-were-religions.html

Follow-up article:
http://www.aegisub.net/2008/12/if-programming-languages-were-religions_20.html

Speeding

I wouldn’t normally put this here, but I loved this li’l wideo. Maybe I’ll be posting some more….

Her: Honey, there’s a lot of juice in this car, you can’t handle the juice in this car
Him: There’s a lot of tickets in that trunk, and you can’t handle the tickets!
That’s GOLD!